And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears, and love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears.

Just over a year ago, I started a journey that unbeknownst to me, would change the course of my entire life.

Last August, I started going to Freedom House.
Given, I didn't really start to immerse myself in all that was in store for me until this April - see some basement dwellers...
Over the last 5 months, my entire life has been turn inside out and flipped upside down... and it's not just because of Freedom House as an 'institution', but the people I have met because of it and the ways they've encouraged me to push, challenge, stretch myself.
I can tell already that this post is going to be all over the place, so bare with me. It's been a while:

Right now, like many other times when I write, I am seated on a chair that hinders the ability for my feet to reach the ground, in front of a window... at Starbucks (side note: please send gift cards)..
Details aside, I've started my second year at Brock and I've got more than enough to think about:

I've started a new job (that I'm quitting but I'll explain that later), a new set of classes (that I actually really like), a new apartment (that's all mine, regardless of it's comparable closet size), and above all else: a completely new outlook on life.

This summer, like I mentioned in my post: sunshine doodles on bookshelves, I changed where I lived..and who I lived with. I ripped myself out of the self-constructed world led by the false assumption of "I can do this all by myself because I'm tough and I know everything", and willingly dove head first, terrified, into the "home of a couple from my church".. two absolutely incredible people that I now call Mom and Dad. Who woulda guessed, right? Not this girl. But again, I wouldn't change it for anything ever in the whole world.

Because of the love that my newly acquired parents (and a few others...shout out to Carrols, Horneys, Yodie, Annekin, Mr and Mrs FruFru, and...well, this is going to go on forever, but you know who you are..) poured into me, I found a new hope and confidence. A new hope and confidence that has since taken over my entire life.

Any of you reading this that have known me for more than like...2 years.. you know that I have been more than a little rough around the edges at times, fighting anyone and anything that crossed my path, I've shown less than apathy when it came to my future and ultimately my self-worth. Yep. I said it.
I didn't consider myself worthy of love, no matter how much I wanted it; I fought it more than anything.

This summer marked the demolishion of those walls.
And the beginning of a complete inner reformation.

I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am.

Who knew love had such a profound power to influence how you saw yourself and all of life around you.. ha!


The night before I started my first day of class, I posted this on facebook:

53 likes.
Now, to you professional facebookers, that may not seem like a lot...but that's 53 people that believe in how far I've come.

Coming into this school year, I had no idea what to expect.. And I still don't, but I do know that when I get overwhelmed with assignments, life, and just thoughts, all it takes is a deep breath, some carefully selected music, and when in doubt; a call home.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said "What lies behind us and what lies before us is nothing compared to what lies within us." And I think he's perfectly right in saying so.
So there.

Oh, and that confidence thing I was talking about earlier? It's pretty freaking awesome.
Believing that I am loved, accepted, and worth it. Knowing that I have roots, a home, and a family.
Remembering that this will always count towards me:
 God destined us to be his adopted children through Jesus Christ because of his love. This was according to his good will and plan and to honor his glorious grace that he has given to us freely through the Son whom he loves. Ephesians 1:5-6 (I realize that not make much sense, but if you take into account the whole "God sometimes uses people to be practical applicants of his love" idea, then it might make a little more sense.. and if it still doesn't: your just missing out.)

I don't know what else to tell you.. just know I'm happier than I ever have been in my whole wide life.
And that doesn't mean the hard times don't happen, it just means I stopped trying to deal with them on my own.

Cheers, 
Lys

PS. Did I mention that I'm not even a little bit concerned with what other people will think of my faith anymore? Only took 5 years.